After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize