I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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