RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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