I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
