I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
