There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
