just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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