"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You can't special order awesome
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
