She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
