last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize