he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
