I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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