i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I supernannyed him into submission
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
