At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
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