I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
