Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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