he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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