3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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