This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
