I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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