Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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