Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
