4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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