if you like me you must not know who I am
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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