just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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