You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
