The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize