I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
