found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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