I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
