just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
