i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Drake has all the answers
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
