It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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