if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
