I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
