Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
