this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
my sisters under your porch take her home
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
