i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
