How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
