It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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