Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
