whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
