couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Dicks are not precious.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
