Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize