we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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