dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
