Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
