The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize