ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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