shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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