Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
