It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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