she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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