my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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