I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
