I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
