Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
