My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
