I'm pants shitting drunk right now
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
