I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
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