Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Randomize
