Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
